Don't Leave Me Alone

By Khyron

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I cradle her in my arms. Her hair is golden, soft, waving
like the sea. She trembles in my grasp; her body shakes in
spasms of pain. Still, Usako looks up at me with her clear
blue eyes. Those blue eyes. I have caused so much pain in
those eyes over my many lifetimes. Here, I have once more
hurt her. Just as I did that long time ago....

---

"Endymion! Are you in there?" Princess Selenity ran through
the halls of Earth's Palace, eager to see her suitor. Her
hair was done in curious odangos precariously atop her head.
Her face was inhumanly beautiful, luminous and unblemished.
Her golden hair framed her pale skin. Her beauty was innocent,
untouched, and unrivaled in the kingdom. Selenity's clear blue
eyes shined as her delicate, bare feet ran gracefully across
the marble hall. Trailing behind her was the end of her silver
gown, and her cascade of golden locks.

Selenity stopped at a solid oak door. It was Endymion's chamber.
She knocked upon the door with her petite hand. No answer.
Carefully she opened the door a crack. She heard whispers.

"My Prince," It was Nephrite, Endymion's closest guardian. She
smiled and listened in to what he was saying. She hoped her
love was planning for her birthday celebration. It was a week 
away.

"Nephrite." Endymion's voice. It wasn't as Selenity had ever
heard it before. It was husky and quiet.

"You summoned me?"

"That I did. Tell me Nephrite, have you found a suitable wife 
among the court?" Why were they talking about that? Weren't
Nephrite and Jupiter to be wed?

"Why do you mock me Endymion? You know that my heart is yours
and always will be!" What was Nephrite talking about? Endymion
loved Selenity, and Nephrite loved Makoto!

"As my heart belongs to you, son of Sol," Selenity opened the 
door wider in horror. Her love pledging his heart to another?!?
She watched mutely as the tall Sun Guardian, with the winered
hair and deep voice moved toward her raven-locked lover. She
never thought there could be an anguish that was beyond tears.
Now she knew. This was beyond grief. This was madness! Madness!
Nephrite drew her Endymion into his arms. She saw Endymion only
wore a pair of pants. He smiled as their lips touched for a 
moment. They kissed as she had never see anyone kiss before.
Endymion's hands ran through Nephrite's long hair. She lost
all track of time as they moved closer to the bed. She choked
down vomit. Suddenly, she closed the door and ran. Selenity 
had actually slammed it close.

"USAKO! Come back! Let me explain! USAKO!!!" Endymion chased
after his hysterical princess.

Selenity didn't know where she was running to. There was nowhere
in the palace she could run that Endymion couldn't find her. But,
she had to get away from that scene. That just couldn't have been
her prince kissing his guardian, but it was. The reality was cold
and harsh, but true. Selenity couldn't hide from that. But, she
couldn't face it either. What was going on?!?! Endymion loved her!
He told her he loved her! Endymion said that he didn't care about
his Guardians like that, and that there was only room in his
heart for Usako. But, he'd lied to her before, why not now?

Still, Selenity didn't, couldn't cry as she raced on. She stopped
in the Earth's garden of roses. Sweet, lush roses climbed up the
walls. Red, white, blue, and pink blooms seemed to explode into
full grown flowers as the bittersweet princess ran by. Rose petals
of many colors floated along the breeze. Dark clouds churned above
her. Night was about to fall.

"Why?" Selenity whispered as she curled up under the statue of her
lover, in the southwest most corner of the garden. Lightning
flashed, but Selenity was impervious to her surroundings. She
felt nothing. A light rain began to fall. Still, Selenity didn't
move or even blink. Her eyes were glazed over like she wasn't
even there. Unfortunately, someone decided to take advantage of
her vulnerable state.

"Pretty little Princess," Selenity snapped out of her trance.
That voice, she knew it.

"Beryl?" Selenity looked up to see her aunt's body twisted into
that of some dark monster. Her aunt's hands were twisted and had
fingernails--no they were claws, talons.

"Pretty little Princess, lost without your prince! So weak, so
vulnerable. Come to Beryl, I'll put you out of your misery." Her
voice was bitter, full of poison. Selenity stood against her,
trembling. Aunt Beryl had changed into a monster, and now young
Selenity, who had never fought in her entire life, must face her.
Alone.

"Why?" Selenity asked quietly. It wasn't meant to be directed at
Beryl. Selenity was still in shock because of her love, who was
no longer hers.

"Because Metallia commands. Die now!" Beryl reached out her 
talon/claw/hand and slashed the princess. Scarlet blood soaked
the young princess's garments. She screamed in grief, a heart-
wrentching cry of despair. But not because of the pain, but
because Endymion hadn't tried to save her. He wasn't even
here. That was what hurt. Beryl cackled in perverse glee and
disappeared. Selenity collapsed as a fresh rain began to
wash away the blood.

Suddenly a cry rose up with the deafening thunder. Endymion
raced through the thorns and the roses. He was crying.

"Usako..." he whispered to the dying girl in his arms. She
was cold; he felt the life slowly draw away from her. Her
eyes looked into his and she smiled faintly. "I love you,
not Nephrite. Forgive me. I was just, I..I.." She shook her
head with all the strength she could muster.

"I forgive you." Then she was dead.

---

That was the first time I killed her, but not the last. The
next time I was to die as well.

---

Usako and Endymion held each others hands. The Starlight locket
shimmered in the starlight. Night was upon the Moon, but everyone
was in great joy; almost everyone. Endymion worried for Usako.
She had died before because of Beryl, and he was afraid she would
fall to her hand again. He wouldn't let her die, not now.

"Usako, your mother has asked me to help protect her kingdom. I
told her I would, but I might not come back." Endymion mustered
a smile. He didn't want her to be too scared, but he didn't want
her to be devestated if it happened. She smiled too, and then 
kissed him softly. Tenderness lingered after the kiss had broken.
Then without warning,

"Selenity, we meet again. This time, your mother won't be able
to save you!" Beryl hovered not twenty feet away, poison even
more evident in her icy stare.

"You won't harm a hair on her head you snake!" Endymion drew
his sword and stood protectively in front of his love.

"Prince Endymion. So, the rumors were true. An union of the
Earth and Moon. Too bad that the bride won't be able to
attend her wedding. I have unfinished business with her.
But, Endymion, afterward, I would like to invite you to
rule the universe by my side. Metallia has already won.
What do you say?" Her toothy mouth twisted in a deranged
smirk. Endymion's eyes blazed with fury.

"Never! I will not abadon her again!" Endymion rushed forward,
arms raised, sword at the ready. Usako screamed, but it was
too late. Beryl's hand was quicker. Dark energy flowed from
her hands and Endymion was struck down. Screams of tortured
souls echoed in the distance. 

"ENDYMION!!" The angelic princess dropped to her love's side.

"And the snake survives!" Beryl hissed, chasing after the
Silver Crystal and Serenity. "I'll be back, and mark my
words: you'll not live for long!" Usako didn't hear. Once
again she would be alone.

"I love you, but I couldn't protect you. I failed again.
Please run away. Escape."

"Never Endymion. I won't leave you! I don't hate you. Please
just be quiet. Please, don't speak. Save your strength."
She was crying. Endymion cringed.

"Usako, please I can't die here. Save me! I don't want
to lose you. I need you to be with me. Hold me, love."
Endymion breathed his last.

"NO! DON'T GO! ENDYMION!" Usako collapsed over his dead,
cold frame. Such handsome features still linger on in
death. Death was cruel, and Usako knew it. She bit her
lip. "I can't let him be alone. I must go to my prince."

Usako picked up his unsheathed blade, and nodded grimly.
She closed her eyes and plunged the blade deep into
her breast. Once again, Usako faced ultimate grief,
and then death.

---

I killed her twice, but I still had many more dark
deeds to do. Like after we were reincarnated. Mamoru,
Endymion, the form makes no difference. I hurt her
no matter who I am.

---

"Thank you for saving me, Tuxedo Kamen-sama," Sailor
Moon thanked the caped stranger. This was not the
first time the dark haired man had rescued her.

"I don't know why I did it." Kamen spoke abruptly and
sounded bitter. "I am only interested in the Rainbow
Crystals. Understand Sailor Moon?"

She nodded. As Kamen turned away, Sailor Moon looked
to the ground and saw the locket. She picked it up
and it opened. A depressing melody echoed through
the steel in the building skeleton. She smiled and
called out.

"Tuxedo Kamen-sama! You dropped this." She gently
handed him the locket. It was beautiful, but surely,
Sailor Moon thought, he must have it for someone.

"Keep it," the idea was wonderful, but the words and
tone he used were spiteful. Tears welled in her eyes.

"Are you sure?" Her voice was a choked whisper.

"I said keep it!" He spun around to finally leave the
crushed Sailor Moon. "And remember, I will get those
crystals, either from you or Beryl. But I *will* get
them." The caped man never looked back.

If he had, he would have seen the scene Rei had told
him about. Sailor Moon's face, still so beautiful like
her native home the Moon, was moist with tears. She
loved him. She had no idea why she did, it was merely
a fact. A fact to be faced and dealt with, like the
identity of Sailor Moon. Her tastebuds flared with the
taste of salt, but her mind acknowledged nothing. Sailor
Moon was not an intellectual--no one could doubt that,
even if she was a dear. She was always the emotional
one here. The people of the Moon were like that, full
of emotion, dreams and beauty. But, sometimes, 
especially for someone like Sailor Moon, your true
nature

(You're so wishy-washy Sailor Moon! Grow up! You're
not A Sailor Senshi, you're a Failure Senshi! Why
do you have to act so immature?!?!)

wasn't always what you needed.

"Tuxedo Kamen...." His name was a choked whisper
through the moist, full lips of a broken-hearted
girl. It blew like dead leaves on the crisp,
evil wind.

---

Why is this my destiny? To hurt what I love most?
And of all people that should bear the ill-burden
of such a cruel love, why must it always be her?
After we finally regained our memories at that
cursed tower, I was taken. Taken to lie with
that witch Beryl. 

(Lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas)

I shared her power, her throne, and her bedroom.
I saw images of my Usako, but I thought they were
of Beryl. Finally before the final battle, I once
more cursed her and caused her pain I was sworn
to protect her against.

---

"Mamoru? Mamo-chan? It is you! Mamo-chan!" She
calls out a strange name that I cannot place.
She looks so familiar, but I cannot really see
her. My vision is clouded with the red hate
and lust Queen Beryl has taught me. Her glowing,
silvery face, like beams of moonlight dancing
on the ocean's surface, is distorted in my 
mistress's blind rage. She is evil, but I bed
her constantly. What is it that this vague angel
is calling me? I knew that name long ago.

"He is mine Sailor Moon. You will not have him,
because I took him from you, as I will take
that Impyrean Crystal!" Beryl nods to me and I
draw my blade. I do not know why I can't remember
this 'Sailor Moon' being so beauiful. Beryl sees
her as a monster, but when I can see with my eyes,
instead of her's, I see radiant beauty. Why must
I destroy her? Why am I in this place?

"Yes, m'queen," No matter what Beryl's reasons
for hate, I am her lover now, and I must do
what she commands. I hold my blade up and
leap at the unsuspecting Senshi. I can taste her
fear, as I can taste Beryl's delight.

"Can't you remember? You were Endymion in the
Silver Millenium and I was your princess, Usako!
This," She pulls out a glittering object. It is
formed in the shape of a star. The clasp unhinges
itself, and a sad melody fills the air. What is
this I feel? Suddenly there is nothing but Sailor
Moon and the locket,"was my locket, but I gave it
to you. Then, as Tuxedo Kamen, you gave it back
to me. Don't you remember? I love you Endymion.
Mamo-chan. Please touch the locket."

I reach my hand out and brush it against the cool
metal. Light blinds me as thousands of memories
flood back to me. I remember. But, behind me I
hear Beryl laugh. I remember, but I cannot change
my new life as Beryl's champion. I rush to my 
queen's side.

"Why did I not remember?! WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME?!"
But my cries are unheard as Beryl kisses me. I 
begin to go limp, and I kiss back. I cannot change.

"MAMO-CHAN! BEHIND YOU!!!!!!" Selenity's call is
too late. I feel a dagger plunge deep into my
back. I am dying, and Beryl dissappears. Why did
I rush to another's side? Like before, with 
Nephrite. His kisses were sweet like Beryl's, 
only sweeter. I regret ever hurting Selenity,
but I do betray her. I didn't love Nephrite,
and I do not love Beryl. I love my Usako. But,
I always run from the light, Usako is the
light. She scares me. And I know why. I am the
eternal darkness. But I love the light,
none the less.

"I love you Usako." I died again. Leaving her once
more alone to face destiny. I broke another vow.
Usako.......

---

I do not run from the light now. Only now do I
realize, without the light, there is no darkness.
Light can exist in darkness. There is always
light, but darkness can fade. It hides from the light
or tries to deny it. I do not deny her now. It is
too late. I abandoned her before, over dreams
that held no truth. But I was eager to run away, run
away from the light. 

---

*She stood there before him. A goddess in a youth's
body. He loved her, but he runs away. As he as always
done. Abandons her. Leaves her for dead. And over what?*

*I do not run away!* Endymion cried in the darkness of his
mind, but he knew it was true. Only these phantoms dare
speak it.

*You lie. She scares you, because she is what you are not.
Endymion, tell me, was Nephrite any different from you?
No. Was Beryl any better? No. You who wander in darkness
and fear the light are no better than the evil that she
destroys.*

"Mamo-chan? What did I do wrong?" Tears welled in her eyes.
Mamoru expected her to cry out and wail. That he could handle.
That he could expect. That he could bear. But, the tears
traced slow pathways across her tender flesh. This silent
pain, this unspeakable reaction was too much. This hurt worse
than a thousand outbursts or wails. He was killing Usagi.

"It's just over. I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."

"What about Tuxedo Kamen?"

"I'll help protect ChibiUsa." He turned and left.

*Run away Mamoru. Like you did a thousand times before.*

*Shut up! I'm protecting her!*

*You're killing her! She isn't like you! She doesn't
run away, and she can't take this. She'll die!*

*She can handle it.*

"Please, don't go! I'll apologize for whatever I did 
wrong!"

"It's not like that! Just leave me alone!"

---

I am a cruel man, but my cruelest act was yet to come.
This was my worst and final act against her.

---

I was at Rei's temple. She needed a little help on
cleaning up and catching up in the new karate class
we both joined. She knew I was in love with Usagi
and that we'd never again break up. She has a boyfriend
now anyway.

"Mamoru? Is the new throw like this, or this?" Her 
raven hair swayed as she attempted a complex throw
that she never learned. She missed class while her
grandfather was sick, and so she wasn't there when
our sensei demonstrated this move. 

"No, here. Let me throw you and that way, you'll
know how to do it." I screamed my loudest kiai and
threw Rei. She rubbed her side and I gasped.

"Owww. That hurt Mamoru," She winced as she ran her
soft hand down the bruised side.

"I am so sorry. Here let me help you up." I wrapped
my arm around her waist and helped her up. Our eyes
met each other, and impulsively, I kissed her. Our 
lips met, and lingered. Her onyx eyes, her raven
hair, her feathery soft skin. I hungered for her and
pushed Usako from my mind.

It didn't end with a kiss. We made love then and there
on the temple floor. It all happened so fast. Rei
smiled after it was done. It was wonderful, but it
wouldn't happen again. I was still in love with Usa.
She nodded knowingly. We kissed, lying naked on the
floor. Then, Usako walked in. She saw us in that
embrace. Saw our hands, lips, and bodies locked in
a flame of desire and passion. I didn't see her until
Rei's eyes became full of shame. I turned around to
see her standing there in the rain. She looked worse
than that night I betrayed her with Nephrite, worse 
than when I kissed Beryl, worse than when I said I 
didn't love her. I had betrayed her with a Senshi.
Her Senshi. Her favorite Senshi.

There were no tears in her eyes, only the worst
pain she'd ever felt. Rei began to sob softly.
I caused this grief. I begged her to stay, but
she ran. She ran away, and said nothing. I dressed
quickly and nodded to Rei. But once more, I let
her fall in harm's way. In my mind I felt Usa scream.

I didn't know what was hurting Sailor Moon, but I
knew it was there. Rubius was gone, and the Sisters
were cured. What ever it was, it was strong. I powered
up, and transformed. Rei, seeing that I was transforming,
did the same.

We ran after her--Mars hadn't tried to get the other Senshi,
she wanted to explain our intimacy--hoping to find her.
My cape flowing behind me, Mars trying to keep up, I bolted
ahead. Sailor Moon was now in her Moon Princess form. She
was the Selenity I cherished. 

I followed my sense, trying to make to her, when some creature
stopped me. It stood in front of me, huge, and malevolent. It's
intent was clear, kill me and Mars. I could see Selenity holding
off an even bigger crature. I think she called my name, but I 
wasn't able to hear. The thunder, Mars' scream, and the roar of
the thing in front of me, drowned out anything she may have tried
to say.

Then there was a brillant burst of crimson. The creatures were 
gone, Mars was gone. Only Selenity and a dark figure remained.
Then I realized where we were. We were on the moon! 

"Endymion...." The dark figure emerged. It looked like Beryl,
but she was larger, deformed and even more twisted. I shot
a rose at her; she dodged. "Beryl told me of you and the Moon
girl." Selenity moved by my side protectively.

"Who are you?" Selenity asked.

"I am Metallia. I will destroy you for all that you
stand for. I will not be beaten again."

"You will vile crature! I am the Moon Princess. I
defeated Beryl, Rubius, Ail, Anne and countless
evils. If you dare harm Endymion, you shall join
them!" Selenity, no. Don't!! "MOON COSMIC POWER!!"
The Silver Crystal glittered and sent a beam of
pure light into Metallia. The creature screamed, but
she wasn't dead. Dark energy blasts spiraled at us,
but we dodged. Selenity powered up for her final
attack, and sent it flying. But not before Metallia
sent out an ultimate attack of her own. A large
blade of dark crystal shot out at me. 

The scene played out in slow motion. I tried to
keep her from doing it, but Selenity jumped in front
of me. She was impaled in the stomach, but she lived.
Not for very much longer, but Metallia wasn't so lucky.
She exploded in a purple/black cloud. This is now back
to the present.

---

Here she is, dying in my arms. The Silver Crystal can't
help her now. She will die and be gone forever.

"Usako....." I whisper. "Please don't die here, not now.
I have to explain about Rei and me."

"I know. I forgive you Endymion. I always forgive you."

"No, not again Usa! Please! I need you too much! You
are my life! I cannot live in a world without you!"
Tears flow freely. "I love you too much.. Usa...."

"Farewell Endymion. I love you...." She is so cold;
she won't last much longer. Then I kiss her one
last time. She is dead.

"DON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!" My last cry as
she fades away into energy. I am alone. And I am
scared. I was never this scared before. I never
new true love, nor true loss until now. I am
cold.

Selenity was strong, and I killed her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thanks for reading this and even though it's my
first attempt, I think I did a good job. 

All comments, questions, rantings, ravings, praises,
and shameless flames can be sent to:

Backstabber@thevortex.com

Once again thank you!

~Khyron